Today is very hard. One of those “bad” days.
Yesterday in general was great! Rehearsals all day, laughter with friends, and performing at a concert. This was my first concert with this choir in a year and I’m so glad I made it to this one. Then a huge group of us went to the pub afterwards and everyone was feeling very laid-back and chilled.
But later that night an extremely upsetting and difficult memory surfaced for me, and I’m struggling a fair amount today as a result. It feels very silly, because to anyone looking at me I have nothing to be low about. But I have a solid lump in my throat and feel very tired and afraid that if anyone said “boo” too loudly I’ll just burst into tears. It’s one of those occasions where I wish I could just wipe the memory and pretend it never happened. But I know pretending something didn’t happen never helps, and just does my head damage because I’m distorting reality.
Last year I made a promise to some very very special friends. It was a promise that no matter what, I’d keep fighting, and not give up. I’ve tried so hard to keep that promise but struggle from time to time. I feel guilty when I struggle; like I’m letting them down. I’m struggling today. I’m sorry guys…
Sorry for miserable post. But in order to help others I need others to see it’s okay to feel crap sometimes. I’ll bounce back at some point, but for now I just need to feel rubbish, and know that it’s okay to…