“Hello? Are you the girl who’s been sleeping around her whole life? Whore aged 3”

Disgusting. I was faced with this barely an hour ago, by some student in the university shop. His grin told me he felt indestructible. His mate’s grin wasn’t much better. He had no idea what damage his comment could potentially cause. I felt like someone had kicked me in the stomach; winded by emotion. I thought of my friends and focussed on that, and turned away…trying to shake off his words, and not letting the little bit of my head that constantly tries to convince me I’m disgusting take over. 

Hard task.

But then it hit me. The reason so many victims are scared to speak out is because they’re scared of being judged, I think. They’re scared of people saying “actually, yes. You feel ashamed and disgusting? You should do.” YOU SHOULD NOT.

So I turned back around to face them. They looked about eight. Eight year old boys in the playground. In a strange kind of way I felt some pity towards them; they simply had no idea of how harsh the world could be. Their daddy probably still pays for their mcdonalds. 

“Do you have a sister?” I said, calmly. I felt livid but I had to show them I wasn’t some fuck up. His mate shifted a bit. “Ah. Right. I want you to imagine something….” I knew what I was about to do, knew it wouldn’t be nice. But I think it was needed. “Your sister, shes okay?” he nods. “I’m someone else’s sister. I’m someone’s sister who had a corkscrew shoved inside her at the age of 4. His sister didn’t understand what was happening, she just wanted her teddy bear. I just wanted my bear, sounds mad huh? Then I got a bit older…his sister grown up…she’s raped daily. It’s normal. Normal to be frightened. To have countless objects used to torture her. Normal for his sister to feel scared and in pain. Normal for his sister to be beaten. Can you imagine watching your sister go through that? He watched his sister’s grief when she lost her baby. He didn’t know what to do; he was too young. What would you do? His sister knows what it’s like to be put in a box and held underwater…his sister knows what it’s like to stare down the barrel of a gun and think: would this be better? But you know what his sister did? She grew up. She escaped. Really she wants to run away and sleep non-stop. But she also knows there’s survivors out there too scared to talk because there’s dicks who’ll make them feel disgusting. Imagine it’s your sister speaking out. Would you tell her she’s a whore?” 

Bit of a rant. It was over very quickly actually. The whole thing said in a minute, tops. Because I hissed it at them, and needed it out as fast as possible. I was also doing it to extinguish the “disgusting” part of my brain which was relishing on their comment. They stared at me, red in the face, then looked at the floor, looking sheepish. 

“I’m also the girl who’s bitten men’s d***s when they p**s me off,” I snapped. And left. And then let myself cry a tiny bit.

It angers me. How can people be so insensitive? They were students. They’re not bad people. They just don’t think. Ignorant. Well, slightly less ignorant now. I feel a bit harsh, but I needed to wake them up before they damaged someone else. 

And now I’ll just drink lots of tea and pull myself back together. 

Lesson to all: you’ve nothing to be ashamed of. Nobody can judge you; nobody has lived your story. Whatever happened, you’re here now. And that’s something to be proud of.

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4 thoughts on ““Hello? Are you the girl who’s been sleeping around her whole life? Whore aged 3”

  1. Thank you so much for speaking up. I don’t think what you said was harsh at all. As life’s lessons go, it was a gentle one for them. I truly hope they heard you. What is more important is that you held so clearly to knowing you are not disgusting, nor was it your fault. I am so sorry for the horrors you have had to endure, but grateful that you were strong enough to survive and courageous enough to speak. ~ AG

  2. “Their daddy probably still pays for their mcdonalds.” Change the restaurant to something ostentatious and pretentious- they’re probably just little rich boys who had been brought up with a silver spoon in their mouth and have no concept of how nasty the real world can be. Keep going with your blogging Jade, you write beautifully and are very brave x

  3. Hello my name is Ana. 🙂
    You don’t know me but I have recently found your blog and have been completely intrigued by your story! At first I wasn’t going to make an account but I finally gave in and decided to comment! XP

    Hahaha But I got to say, way to stick up for yourself! Good for you!!
    I don’t think you should feel harsh at all! Don’t feel bad, even if they were young they should know better then to say things like that! They don’t even know you!!! What the heck T_T
    When I was younger some kids called me the N-word for no reason at all. Kids can be pretty mean sometimes -_-
    Plus like others have said, they learned a life lesson!
    Anyways I’m cheering you on!! Kids, adults, or anyone of the like it doesn’t matter!! Never back down or be ashamed!!! You’ve touched many people out here in the world! We’re all here and supporting you!! 😀

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