I have no words left… :'(

I don’t know what to say.
I feel like my strength has made me alone in this hell. Because if I hadn’t made it through the abuse, I’d still have your tiny hands to hold, and still have you with me. We’d still have each other.

My strength is my enemy, not my friend. And now I am enduring the greatest punishment through being a lone survivor. Because there is nothing more painful than this loneliness. There could be thousands of people surrounding me but I am alone with the memories, alone with the pain and feelings. I have never felt more alone, and that is my worst kind of hell.

What about me was any different? What additional right did I have to make it?

None. I had none. I cheated life and death, and now I’m stuck in pure hell. It’s a punishment for cheating. And one I cannot escape. 😥

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3 thoughts on “I have no words left… :'(

  1. Although I am not a huggy person, ((((hugs)))) to you.

    Hell is not, I think, a punishment for cheating. It’s simply a place to learn. We learn what works and what doesn’t. Then we pick ourselves back up and move on. It sure hurts to be in it, but the options – dissociation, flatness, death – are not really appealing.

    What are your alters saying about this place you are in?

  2. Thank you both…so so much…. Night Owl you make so much sense, it’s just hard to see how this hell can have any improvement… somehow flatness would be welcomed :-/ alters all over the place… the older ones speaking like you, the younger ones missing the children too….

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