Because this is all I’m good for…

Your hands squeeze tightly on my arms
Keeping me pinned down, pinned under your charms,
I hold my breath, hoping maybe I’ll pass out
And sleep through this, but that I truly doubt.

My head at a sharp right angle, staring away
To the side of this van, in which I am prey,
So I don’t have to see the hungry look in your eyes,
And you can’t see the tears tainting your prize.

I signed up to this, to this sorry sad mess
I agreed to lie on my back, in my sweet dress
This is all you’re good for, I think, so sad
This is what I deserve, for being so bad.

Ouch I wince, this next one hurts
Starving for me, he tears off his shirt
Pounds into me, and bites my pale chest
A weary girl broken, trying to do her best.

I hear them laugh, I hear them tease
Slap my face, give my throat a playful squeeze
I lie still, still staring at the wall
Of this cage, in which I feel so small.

They’re helping me, I tell myself
They’re going to make you good, my broken self
Is lost, and they will help me be found
So I don’t say ‘it hurts.’ I don’t make a sound.

When they’re done, I lie perfectly still,
My body trembles with cold; I feel ill
But I wait until the deal is done
I wait until the spider’s web is spun.

“Baby, you’re so good” his whispers in my ear
I smile, just slightly; his compliment clear
It was worth it after-all; I am of worth,
My tears don’t matter; they’re lost on the earth.

I stumble home, sore and aching inside,
My legs feel weak, my heart like it’s died,
I scrub my skin until it’s pink and raw,
Run hot water over my bruising jaw.

I cry; howl for the bitter truth rips
Inside me, tortures my aching hips.
How sad, that this is all I’m good for,
Being used, lying down; being a whore.

I am dirty and afraid; lost in this pain,
Tomorrow I will go out, let them help me again
And tomorrow I will cry, for I am so bad
The men will make me better, and that makes me sad.

Life, when did you run from me so?
How can everything have fallen so low?
I wish I wasn’t so horribly vile,
So that I could deserve to smile.

One day I’ll be good; the men will help
Until then I won’t wince, and I won’t yelp
When they hurt, they are making me good
What right have I to say: be gentle, you should.

None…
Because this is all I’m good for…

Slap
Bang
Kick
Punch

Lie. Down.
Don’t. Breathe

Slap
Pound
Kick
Kiss

Rip
Pain
Shudder
Done.

This is all I’m good for.

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One thought on “Because this is all I’m good for…

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