Your hands squeeze tightly on my arms
Keeping me pinned down, pinned under your charms,
I hold my breath, hoping maybe I’ll pass out
And sleep through this, but that I truly doubt.
My head at a sharp right angle, staring away
To the side of this van, in which I am prey,
So I don’t have to see the hungry look in your eyes,
And you can’t see the tears tainting your prize.
I signed up to this, to this sorry sad mess
I agreed to lie on my back, in my sweet dress
This is all you’re good for, I think, so sad
This is what I deserve, for being so bad.
Ouch I wince, this next one hurts
Starving for me, he tears off his shirt
Pounds into me, and bites my pale chest
A weary girl broken, trying to do her best.
I hear them laugh, I hear them tease
Slap my face, give my throat a playful squeeze
I lie still, still staring at the wall
Of this cage, in which I feel so small.
They’re helping me, I tell myself
They’re going to make you good, my broken self
Is lost, and they will help me be found
So I don’t say ‘it hurts.’ I don’t make a sound.
When they’re done, I lie perfectly still,
My body trembles with cold; I feel ill
But I wait until the deal is done
I wait until the spider’s web is spun.
“Baby, you’re so good” his whispers in my ear
I smile, just slightly; his compliment clear
It was worth it after-all; I am of worth,
My tears don’t matter; they’re lost on the earth.
I stumble home, sore and aching inside,
My legs feel weak, my heart like it’s died,
I scrub my skin until it’s pink and raw,
Run hot water over my bruising jaw.
I cry; howl for the bitter truth rips
Inside me, tortures my aching hips.
How sad, that this is all I’m good for,
Being used, lying down; being a whore.
I am dirty and afraid; lost in this pain,
Tomorrow I will go out, let them help me again
And tomorrow I will cry, for I am so bad
The men will make me better, and that makes me sad.
Life, when did you run from me so?
How can everything have fallen so low?
I wish I wasn’t so horribly vile,
So that I could deserve to smile.
One day I’ll be good; the men will help
Until then I won’t wince, and I won’t yelp
When they hurt, they are making me good
What right have I to say: be gentle, you should.
Because this is all I’m good for…
This is all I’m good for.