I’m…..still standing?!!?!

Hooray!! Hang on I’m just taking a moment to process this. Busiest 3 weeks ever…massive shock to system going back into ultra busy work mode after months off (well I say “off” but spent doing a lot of processing and ill so it wasn’t a walk in the park. However, it also wasn’t so busy.) Also in random emotional “holy shit” mode now that I am allowed to feel upset about my past….

But I’m still standing! Granted…a little tired (very tired) but it’s all good. Music week was a lot of fun, freshers week was also a lot of fun but equally horrendous busy….and now I’ve finished week 1 of term. I made it to every lecture, yaaaaaay! This is quite a new thing. For the majority of my time attempting previous degree and resurfacing memories and also the present danger, getting to every lecture each week was just not happening. But it has this week!

Life is just “fine” at the moment (somewhat shit) but at least I can say I made it to each lecture. I’m not letting the abusers lead me to failing this degree. This is my last chance. I’ll go to each lecture even if I have to just record it whilst my mind is elsewhere…

Bonus is that the course is really interesting, and the lecturers very warm and actually mostly with a good sense of dry humour. I’m in denial re my email inbox, and shuddering at the thought of my to-do list, but even so….3 weeks of non-stop madness over….and I’m still standing. Regardless of everything else going on which is crushing me, that has to be a positive 🙂 There’s been panic attacks and getting worked up about crowds, especially at the beginning of the week, but I can cope with this. I’ve also made friends with a couple of lovely people which has helped me relax. Just keeping my mask on and pretending everything’s okay…

Bring on the rest of my degree… the one normal constant I can have in my life.

J

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