Wish you were here….

Today I have felt panic, happiness, terror, grief, despair, excitement, strength, determination and sorrow. I have gone from shaking in the morning so much that holding my cup of tea proved awkward, to being okay and able to eat lunch with a friend and smile, to crying my eyes out solidly for best part of an hour, in some inconsolable huddle hugging my legs for comfort…to fighting back, to feeling strong, to singing songs, and to going out with friends and having a great time.

All in all, a day of a total rollercoaster and I’m exhausted, but glad it ended on a high.

But the night is clear and I see you in the stars and wonder if you ever did find the man in the moon, like you dreamt of. I can feel your soft baby down hair on my chin as I held you to sleep. It feels like only yesterday. I so wish you here with me, so I wasn’t alone on this journey…but rather we were taking the journey together, like we were supposed to…

Sleep tight, little ones…x

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