Ritual abuse dates – advice for survivors and friends

Just wanted to let all survivors/victims of ritual abuse out there know that I’m thinking of you and that you aren’t on your own…

It’s that delightful time of year again. I won’t specify exact dates, for fear of triggering anyone, but for informative purposes for the general population – from now until after New Year’s Day, it’s basically very shit. *Lots* of ritual dates, one after the other, in quick succession. (For more info on ritual abuse follow the websites on this link : https://fightingtheabuse.wordpress.com/2013/08/10/what-is-ritual-abuse/ ) This, for us ritual abuse survivors and/or current victims means:

– there’s a lot of dates coming up in which past programming can be *extremely* powerful, frightening and exhausting, and especially difficult to resist or even recognise. If you are supporting someone or know someone who is a survivor or victim of ritual abuse, please try to not get frustrated and/or angry with them if they go into programming mode (need to leave the area, suddenly hate themselves, suddenly suicidal for no apparent reason – a few examples). It is not their fault. (and besides, anger will only trip them further in the wrong direction, unless it is *very* clear that your anger is because you care, not because you want control). It’s programming which has been locked deep within their unconscious through methods such as torture and hypnosis, right from when they were tiny children….and cannot simply be switched off in an instant, and is not a case of them “wanting to go and get hurt.” I cannot describe to you how *terrifying* it is watching your legs walk towards a train station and no amount of “STOP” seems to do anything, and it takes my adult friends to grab me, restrain me, and pull me away in order for my body to just co-operate. My conscious screaming “i don’t want to go” and my unconscious just doing as it’s been told to do. When you’ve been abused so severely, you learn to do as you’re told….and parts of our head haven’t yet learnt it might be safe to explore our own sense of agency now and resist programming. For survivors/victims….believe in yourself. I strongly suggest that it is possible for you to become less susceptible to programming. For any friends of survivors, please keep reminding them of this…

– there are a lot of dates coming up in which a survivor may experience hideous anniversary trauma, and so our symptoms of post-trauma may be more obvious and upsetting. For us, things may trigger us that wouldn’t normally – silly things that may seem entirely innocent to the average person. (For me – blinking red lights, sound of water being poured into a bucket or bath, certain random noises, moths at a lightbulb, noisy rain if I’m inside somewhere, flock of pigeons… etc, are all daft things that will send me and/or a personality into a state of absolute terror). If you’re a friend, be prepared for seemingly normal things making your friend lock up, run away, need their hand held or even going into a flashback. Some of the dates I imagine will be guessable simply using common-sense (think again about the time of year) so be extra prepared on these dates. Maybe ask your friend if he/she knows of anything that is frightening that they can talk about, so those type of triggers can try to be avoided. Also, because it’s all anniversary stuff, there may be an increase in flashbacks, I would imagine. Just hold their hand and keep telling them they’re safe *now* and that you are there. It honestly is the most helpful thing in the world…

– There may (just basing all of this on myself at moment) be more emotional outbursts too. I am far more tearful lately, and things seeming harder to cope with (memories etc) and really much jumpier. Some of this is due to present stuff, but there’s no question it’s also due to the time of year. I keep feeling a cold wave of sickness wash through me on some days when I see what the date is, and even though I consciously have no idea why that date is bad, some part of me is clearly terrified. I keep having nightmares about being back in a field, in a circle, surrounded by people wearing robes and children either crying or in some trance-like state or staring determinedly into the abusers’ eyes, whilst we awaited whatever horror was about to follow. Hallucinations are steadily on the increase for me, and I’m already noticing that I am starting to structure my life in a random way – my own kind of rituals, as I do on a yearly basis.

It’s just a very crap time of year. I hate knowing there are people who it won’t be anniversaries for, but instead actual events because they’re still trapped in this shit. I hate that and so wish I could just do something to get you all out. Keep singing…

For survivors, or victims still involved with it but more able to access sites such as this….believe in yourself and hang in there. Reach for help if you need it, know that I and others are thinking of you and are with you….and if you have more flashbacks, remember it’s the past…and remind yourself of the present that you are in. Take good care and treat yourselves!! You didn’t deserve any of this bollocks….and now deserve help and support and kindness, especially through this very difficult time of year.

Gentle hugs…

J

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