I do not hate my abusers.

Despite being in so much pain, despite the fact I’m free-falling….despite the fact they want me dead, despite the fact they took so many from me, despite the trauma they caused me, despite the fact I should have ever had to know what it feels like to be raped by a corkscrew…kidnapped and tortured…heartbroken from a lost baby…starved…despite all of this, I do not hate them. Not really. I feel hurt, I feel angry. But I don’t feel hate. If I had the chance to speak to them, properly, I’d tell them this.

Why? Because hate is not natural. I was not born with the capacity to hate. Neither were they. We are all born with the ability to love but hate is something we learn, and therefore I can choose to just not learn. Hate eats your soul. Turns the world black, and doesn’t solve a thing. It leaves you feeling miserable, lost with such a powerfully damaging emotion with nothing productive that can come from it. It destroys you, and others.

They hate.

If I was to hate them, then I would only be playing along with their game. They won’t give a damn about what I think about them. But if I hate them, and make myself miserable with that hatred, then I am still simply being their toy.

So many of them are lost, so many of them have never and will never experience genuine happiness, laughter, love. I pity them. I am more powerful than them because I refuse to be blinded by hate and anger.

I don’t hate them. I won’t be their toy. I won’t play along with their game. So, I don’t hate them.

 

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One thought on “I do not hate my abusers.

  1. Dear Jade, They are no longer in charge. You have other choices aside from thinking about whether to defy or comply to their wishes. What they want you to do is irrelevant and you can decide how to live based on what’s good for you and what you just feel like doing.

    But I do understand what you are saying.

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