One of our personality alters drew this today, and I think it is a very powerful image regarding recovery. When you can’t physically see how broken and in pieces a person is, it’s easy to forget or misunderstand the extent of their struggles, and equally easy to be blind to the level of strength, bravery and energy it takes to put oneself together and go through the fire of recovery.
They broke me. Now I must find the pieces of myself, and put myself together.
When I started this journey, the image would have been very different. Perhaps there wouldn’t have been a body at all, just lots of discarded shattered remains of my soul lying on the ground, waiting to be gently soothed and put back together. Each piece of me gently treated with compassion and kindness, until it trusted recovery could happen, and gently joined up with other bits.
I am of course not lying on a ground with half my body intact. But mentally this is what’s happening – I am sifting through the messy jigsaw puzzle remains of my head, and with the help of caring friends and professionals, compassionately and carefully putting the pieces together. It takes a huge level of energy and determination, because it’s a massively painful process – look at the drawing, does that look painless?
It hurts, it burns, it terrifies me and leaves me sometimes inconsolable with tears. But on the other hand, with each small piece that is soothed enough to fit back together, I feel triumphant and stronger. And as the drawing progresses – as I become more whole – I see only a beautiful journey of healing and unity.
May the healing continue. They broke me but that doesn’t mean I am broken beyond repair. I just need to be patient and brave, and keep finding the pieces and gently put myself back together.
Recovery is possible, I promise.
One day, that drawing will be of a whole young woman, with a smile on her face, and a heart full of strength and love.
Recover with me, survivors.